Bible Study Notes

What we aspire to do in life and what we actually accomplish are sometimes two different things. What we attempt but fail at can cause self-condemnation and guilt; this includes building successful friendships and happy marriages. Broken relationships result in emotional pain and sorrow; leaving a trail of them behind us isn’t what God wants for us. Applying His Word in this area keeps us from having too many regrets at the end of our lives.

It’s one thing to hear or read what God says about restoring broken relationships; it’s another thing to believe it enough to put it into practice. The divorce, estrangement, and separation all around us is what the world says is the norm. To start the healing process, we need to take the first step in faith, regardless of what the world says. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1, NIV). We can be confident that God wants to get involved in all of our shattered relationships and make them whole again.

Constant criticism destroys relationships, and the broken relationships we see around us contradict God’s Word. We may have witnessed a single-parent households and thought that was how all marriages ended up. Taking this mindset into our own adult relationships has a devastating effect. In order to break this cycle, we need to move forward having faith that God wants only the best for us, not what we may see presently. “For we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7).

When we trust what God tells us about the kind of relationships He wants us to have; He’ll never let us down. Allowing Him to influence this area by driving out the spirit of criticism brings about change that contradicts logical reasoning; it will be something that we can’t take credit for. Despite what we may have become accustomed to, we’ll begin to see what godly friendships look like. “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:9, 10, NLT).

Worldly relationships can be formed out of fear of being alone, a need to control others, a motivation to take advantage of someone else, or for any other selfish reason. However, they won’t succeed unless they’re rooted in God’s love. This type of love unselfishly puts others before ourselves; rather than a feeling, it’s a conscious decision we make. Godly friendships benefit both parties. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17, NLT).

Becoming friends with God first is a prerequisite for all other successful friendships. Faith in His love for us anchors us and allows us to be good friends to others. “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him…We love him, because he first loved us” (1 John 4:16, 19). A personal relationship with Him allows us to present our best selves to the world.

None of us are perfect; acknowledging this highlights the need for forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, but those missteps don’t have to destroy our relationships. We find true joy when we learn to look past others’ mistakes and see the friends God put in our lives for what they are—gifts from Him.

It’s unrealistic to think we can go through life without suffering occasionally. As human beings, we can expect it; this includes the pain from a broken relationship. The friendships and marriages we invest in emotionally mean a great deal to us, and therefore it’s devastating when criticism, strife, and bickering tear them apart. However, destruction isn’t in God’s plans for us; applying His Word gives us what we need to restore those relationships.   

We are spirit beings living in physical bodies and possessing souls, which are where our thoughts and feelings reside. God wants healing and wholeness for us, not just in our bodies, but also in our emotions. To be whole is to have nothing missing and nothing broken in our lives; God’s will is for us not to want for any good thing. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…He restoreth my soul…” (Psalm 23:1, 3). Sometimes the most important type of healing and restoration is the kind we can’t see with our physical eyes.

A critical spirit can cause estranged relationships; this is heartbreaking and emotionally wounding. Whether we drift away emotionally or angrily go our separate ways after a bitter argument, the end result is the same. The aftereffects can leave us feeling heartsick and wishing we could reconcile. Asking God for help when we face this type of situation allows Him to intervene on our behalf. “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Our words can hurt, as anyone who has been on the receiving end of cruel, thoughtless remarks can testify to. Words are spiritual containers that carry the power to tear someone down and destroy them. Alternatively, they can also build up, edify, and heal, especially God’s Word. Jesus was God’s Word in the flesh; one of the reasons He was sent to us was to bring healing to all of our broken, destroyed relationships. “He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions” (Psalm 107:20).

Carefully chosen words aid in the healing process; talking through an issue helps mend the relationship when two people are deadlocked. This can happen between friends, relatives, or spouses. It may be tempting to simply shut down and give the other person the silent treatment after an argument, but that doesn’t address the problem. Paul was serious about healing broken relationships, which requires communicating in love, not in anger or arrogance. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ…So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil” (Ephesians 4:15, 25-27, NLT).    

Kindness goes a long way in restoring relationships. Not only what we say, but also how we say it, can bring people back together after harsh words were spoken. There’s always more than one perspective on an issue, and no one is perfect; whether or not we agree on something, we must always be ready to forgive. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32). We’re bound to disagree occasionally, but allowing God to guide our relationships lets Him bless and strengthen them.

As believers, we live in a hostile environment. Anyone who has tried to build a successful friendship or happy marriage, only to have it destroyed by negativity and brokenness from outside influences, has discovered this. Broken relationships are the work of the devil whose job is to steal, kill, and destroy any good thing God has blessed us with. Thankfully, the answer to restoring what God originally intended is found in His Word.

Good relationships aren’t built on worldly feelings, but on godly love. God is love itself and is therefore the perfect model for all our friendships and marriage relationships. Love goes much deeper than emotions; it’s a decision we make. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT). This is the ideal we reach for; however, our own insecurities and negative self-image can usher in a spirit of criticism that causes relationship issues with others.

The devil wants to divide us and keep us apart by causing arguments that result in simmering anger and bad feelings. In the Old Testament, the sibling rivalry between Jacob and Esau was intense; when Jacob finally stole his brother’s blessing, Esau blew up and angrily threatened to kill him. Jacob fled for his life and stayed away for many years. When he finally returned, his brother forgave him, and they were reconciled. “And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids. And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost. And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept” (Genesis 33:1-4).

Forgiveness goes a long way in restoring broken relationships. Esau’s extended opportunity to consider how his hate and anger had broken his relationship with Jacob caused him to have a change of heart. He eventually realized how deeply he loved his brother. “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins” (Proverbs 10:12).

If we don’t understand how God’s love impacts our treatment of one another, we open ourselves to the enemy’s attack. God’s love for us was so great that He sent us Jesus, who took all our sins—and the punishment for them—onto Himself so that we could be forgiven. Believing that we’ve been forgiven for everything we’ve done wrong enables us to forgive others. “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35). Choosing to forgive others, and refusing to let bitterness and anger get in the way, renders the enemy powerless.

No one is perfect and everyone, even us, makes mistakes. Holding grudges and resenting others only hurts us; life is too short for that. Learning how to forgive allows us to love unconditionally and protects us against the enemy’s emotional attacks. Trusting God in this area restores wholeness in all our relationships.