If you’ve ever gotten caught up in a bitter, ugly argument that kept escalating, you know how emotionally devastating it was for everyone involved. When bickering turns into angry quarreling, it’s more than just a simple disagreement. What’s behind it is the spirit of strife, working to separate people and turn friends and family members into enemies. If we’re to be successful in life, we must understand how this spirit operates and how detrimental it can be.

Clashing with Others Holds Us Back

There might be things that aren’t happening in our lives because we’re in strife with someone. Maybe we realize that we should’ve made more progress on our Christian walk, but strife is blocking us from moving on. Getting caught up in it can cause us to take someone else’s emergency and make it our drama. We mustn’t allow this; it only stresses us out with their stress.

Strife is the elephant in the room. If we don’t take the time to look at it, recognize it for what it is, and deal with it, it can destroy friendships, marriages, companies, churches, and all that the grace of God is trying to do. When God is trying to bless us, strife blocks those blessings much like rubber blocks electricity. This requires that we look into ourselves to determine if we have issues with someone that we haven’t addressed yet.

Jealousy and Envy Usher in Evil and Confusion

Strife is sneaky and devious; it creeps in undetected when we’re jealous of someone else. This opens the door for the enemy to come in and wreak havoc in our lives. “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (James 3:16). This is radical, and something we can’t ignore. We can’t afford for this to happen when we’re believing God for His best; it hinders our momentum and puts things on hold, as if someone hit the “pause” button on our lives.

We know we’re under grace, but we can’t use that as the reason why nothing is working. Some things won’t change until we change first. In the Old Testament, God spoke through the prophet Haggai and told the people to consider their ways. They had sown much but brought in little, drank but weren’t filled, clothed themselves but weren’t warm, and earned wages but put them into a bag with holes; we can be the same way.

Considering our ways involves honestly asking ourselves why we’re envious of another person. If things are going well with them, we should rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Our thinking needs to be flipped; instead of being jealous because they got blessed, we need the mindset that the line has moved and we’re next in line.

We Must Recognize Strife and Deal with It

God’s grace wants to increase in our lives, but can only do so when we humble ourselves and submit to His Word and to His ways. Submission includes giving over every strife-inducing situation to Him. “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7, NLT). Refusing to give those cares to Him and instead hanging on to them is an act of pride. A proud person is self-centered, and self-centeredness puts us right back into strife.

Strife is defined as a prolonged conflict, a state of being in discord, or antagonism toward someone. We’ve all seen those people who want to argue and debate about everything. Strife has been around a long time; it caused a rift between Abraham and his nephew Lot. “And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land. And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left” (Genesis 13:7-9). Abraham knew how deadly strife was; he dealt with it so it couldn’t spread any further.

The herdsmen couldn’t get along, so they separated; Lot chose the best field for his flocks, but God blessed Abraham and caused him to prosper and succeed. Refusing to be drawn into someone else’s issues and bickering allows God to bless us; when His blessings are operating in our lives, what looks like the worst choice turns out to be the best choice. Fighting and arguing constantly isn’t God’s will for us. When it begins, God can deliver us from it.

Strife and Hatred Are Related

Strife shows up when our spirits don’t line up with God’s Spirit. We see this all the time in the world, where hatred breeds and flourishes. There are plenty of people doing hateful, foolish things; we can either allow them to bring strife into our life, or respond to them in love. “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins” (Proverbs 10:12). People operating under the spirit of hate are prone to do things that can ruin their entire lives.

This is an important lesson to learn, especially for our children. When people don’t feel valued or loved, they’ll do anything to feel significant and valuable. They become vulnerable to anger and hatred, get into strife with someone, and do something crazy. As parents and caregivers, we can stop this spiral before it starts; we have the authority to exert a godly influence early on.

Experiencing God’s best in our lives involves understanding the relationship between strife, contention, and pride. Sometimes someone’s pride pushes them into a contentious dispute. “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom” (Proverbs 13:10). This is a dangerous place to be, because this combination can destroy us; however, heeding God’s warning and letting His Word advise us gives us the wisdom to avoid this trap. Applying what He tells us about strife keeps us on spiritually safe ground.